To feel like our best, most psychologically mature selves, to like and feel good about ourselves, it is vital for us to understand who and how we are and to intentionally choose our actions and responses in life.
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Why are we so good at naming our flaws and shortcomings and so awkward and clumsy at naming our strengths and successes? Simply because, I think, we want to stay aware of what needs improvement.
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People in 12-step groups, the various “anonymous” programs, are very familiar with the reminder -- a cornerstone of recovery from addiction -- “One day at a time.” We counselors also use the concept to help people in crisis situations.
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Many people don't know the difference between a thought and a feeling. Here is a great example. Recently in a couples session, a wife said to her husband, "You never respect my parenting." She looked at me and said, "That's how I feel." I said, "No, that's what you think, that is not how you feel."
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I work with people to help them recognize the power of asking themselves, "How do I feel? What do I need?" Sometimes we are so preoccupied with the demands of life that we don't even think of ourselves or how we're doing!
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