I was thinking about a recent conversation with a family member, where I mentioned that I think we have a "lazy streak." We compared our observations, and then meandered off to other things. As I recalled that, I started to think about my lazy streak, and, as if I were trying to win a contest or something, to create in my head The List of All the Ways That I am Lazy.  Catching myself before I got to the dark place of self-judgment and criticism, I decided to list all the ways I am far from lazy, but am, rather, highly proactive, energetic, and accomplished. This is a tried-and-true reality for me: identifying the ways I want to be a better person by focusing on positive feelings about myself works WAY better than focusing on how I've fallen short, missed the mark, or have just been plain not-good-enough.  But what I noticed was that the "switch," the deliberate refocus to a positive self-view and a higher-frequency line of thought was not instantaneous or really even effortless!  It took several (how many is 20? is that several? it was 20) seconds of full concentration to shift the energy!  

I have seen this with most of my clients, too. If I ask them to tell me 10 qualities they don't like or would like to change about themselves, they have no problem whatsoever --  The List has been visited many many times. But then I ask them to list 10 positive qualities, strengths, or patterns -- this can literally stun people into an area of their self-description that they rarely visit; it seems there is no readily available list here to consult!  I've seen that same moment of slightly confused blankness on my clients' faces as I feel myself when trying to nudge my mind somewhere it doesn't usually wander on it's own: positive attributes. It usually helps when I suggest they (or I) begin identifying their strengths using the alphabet... "Start with the letter A"...  once that has some momentum, it gets easier and feels more natural.  

I believe we would all benefit from paying closer attention to the way we regard and describe ourselves! There are many reasons why our "natural tendency" is to be better able to identify our weaknesses than our strengths, and perhaps I'll discuss those sometime. But to start, I'd like to invite you to try that exercise: without over-thinking, quickly list in your head 10 things about yourself you'd like to change. Then, as quickly as you can, switch gears, and list 10 things about yourself that you really like. Which is easier? Did you find it hard to make the switch? Did it feel "awkward" to focus on the positives, as if it were a waste of time, since those don't require your attention because they don't require changing?  If so, you are not alone! But pay attention to the way you feel inside when you are focusing on your strengths vs. the way you feel when you are focused on your self-proclaimed weaknesses. Those internal sensations are signs for you -- indicators -- of where your line of thought is leading you; you will feel better, do better, be better, the more time you spend in the sensations of success, accomplishment, and the ways you like yourself, than anywhere else. That's not the way most of us were trained/taught to try to improve, but I'm tellin' ya...

More to come next time... Peace.